Questions for a mediator before your first conversation

Why prepare questions

Mediation can help establish a practical flow of information about your child. It doesn't have to resolve the whole story. Well-prepared questions help keep the meeting from turning into a list of accusations.

Questions about the rules

Ask:

• how confidentiality in mediation works,
• whether mediation is voluntary,
• how the mediator responds to escalation,
• whether you can discuss just one area,
• whether agreements can be written down in a neutral way.

Questions about your child

You can ask:

• how to set up a channel for information about school,
• how to limit passing messages through your child,
• how to discuss contact schedules without pressure,
• how to record rules for sharing information about health and events,
• how to respond when contact doesn't take place.

What not to bring at the start

Don't begin by diagnosing the other parent. Don't bring hundreds of screenshots without any order. Don't ask the mediator to "take your side." Prepare three events and three matters concerning your child that need to be settled.

How to prepare your three matters

Instead of describing the whole story, choose three areas that genuinely affect your child. For example: information about school, contact schedules, the way information about health is shared. For each area, add one event, one organizational problem, and one proposal for a calm solution.

A good note before mediation might look like this: "I'm not receiving information about meetings. I'd like us to agree that both parents are added to the electronic register and receive organizational updates from the institution." That's concrete. It doesn't require judging the other parent's character.

When mediation isn't safe

If there is a contact ban, a restraining order, criminal proceedings, or a real safety threat, don't assume that ordinary mediation is the right path. Ask a lawyer or a free legal aid point whether talking with a mediator is permissible, in what form, and with what safeguards.

Mediation must not be a way to get around a ban. The mediator is not a channel for putting pressure on the child or the other parent. Mediation is meant to organize safe arrangements, if they are legally possible.

A good goal for mediation

A good goal sounds like this: "I want to establish a simple way of sharing information about my child, so that the child isn't a messenger and so that organizational matters don't disappear in the conflict."