Provocation: a pause plan before you reply

The first 90 seconds

Don't write your reply on the first impulse. Read the message once, put the phone down, and note the event in your journal.

Three filters

Before you reply, check:

• Does this concern the child?
• Do I have to reply right now?
• Is my reply about logistics, or is it emotional?

Keep your reply short

If a reply is needed, write only about the matter concerning the child. Don't try to explain your whole life in a single message.

Record it, don't blow up

Writing the event down can be stronger than winning a single exchange of words. Staying calm doesn't mean you accept being harmed.